I swear it's not a cult but I totally recommend it! Part 3

For 10 Days I signed up to live like a monk, dedicating my time to learning the 'Goenka' Vipassana method of meditation. 

Meditation Cells at Dhamma Malaya

"I feel as if I am just coping with trying to keep my head above water. Part of me wishes I never signed up. For some reason I imagine prison to be a more pleasant experience. Every opportunity I get, I go to my room, lie down on the bed and stare at the wall or think about sex"

Those are the words I wrote down on day 4 after the first 'sitting of strong determination'. During these 1 hour sittings which are held 3 times per day you are asked not to change your posture or make any large movements. Attendance is compulsory and when we were told this was to be a regular thing, I didn't quite know how to react.

I could barely handle 20 minutes and now I had to triple that?? 

(For those who were wondering how I wrote this down - I had a small notebook and pencil which I smuggled in, just in case I experienced a divine revelation. It was only intended for extreme situations)

I managed 30 minutes during my first sitting. I sat there breathing heavily, clenching my muscles in order to cope with what I believe was the most uncomfortable I have ever felt in my life. Every second that passed was one step towards the end but it was like walking along a path blindfolded and not knowing when it was going to end. As I was sitting there I thought about a loved one and imagined that she was in great danger, and that by not moving or opening my eyes I was protecting her.  

I know this sounds like a really cheesy coping mechanism but at the time it really felt like I was putting my body on the line in order to save someone else. (Shout out to Joe Rogan for mentioning that one)

 At 55 minutes in the chanting started. A wave of tingling sensations shot down my neck and through my spine. This was the end. This was the light at the end of the tunnel.

I went back to my room thinking about how I wasn't even half way through the course. Technically we had just begun what we were here to do and I was already struggling.

A few hours later the gong sounded and we were back in the meditation hall for our final sitting of strong determination session of the day. This time I had vowed to remain sitting in the same posture no matter what. We began. I remember this particular session as being difficult but not as much more than the first one. Again I used my 'self sacrifice' visualisation technique to keep me on track but this time it didn't feel as extreme. Don't get me wrong I was sitting there suffering but this time I didn't have to clench my entire upper body to cope with the pain.

The concluding chant sounded and again it sent a wave of tingling down my spine. The pain began to subside and it gave way to feelings of happiness. I sat there for a minute afterwards unable to contain my smiling. I don't know exactly was so funny but I'm sure I gave the impression that either I had just attained satori or I had broken my brain and become a smiling idiot. My knees hurt and I was unable to walk properly for the next 10 minutes but for some reason I felt like I could go back and do it all over again. It had all felt somewhat refreshing in a mental sense.

I was beginning to wonder whether I was rewiring my brain to seek pain as a form of pleasure...

I didn't realise it at the time but this was the beginning of the first lesson I would learn during my 10 days.  Knowledge by acquaintance is one of the best teachers out there. Instead of learning about external objects or ideas, I was learning about how my mind operates.

An operating room for the mind.
Fun times.