We were led single file in the dark along a paved brick path through to the meditation hall. The meditation hall was a large square room with polished marble floors and blue cushions arranged in a grid facing the front of the room where there lay two elevated platforms for the two teachers.
On the left side of the hall sat the males, and on the right sat the females. The gender segregation necessitated a separate male and female teacher complete with their own assistant teachers and staff who sat off to the side like a kings retinue.
We sat cross legged on the cushions in silence for a moment.
Then the theravada chanting began. S.N Goenkas croaky deep voice sounded through the wall mounted speakers.
"Ananta punya-mayi, ananta guna-mayi,
Buddha ki nirvana-dhatu,
dharma-dhatu, bodhi-dhatu!
Sisapara jage pratiksana..."
The initiation ceremony began with the recital of an oath to maintain certain precepts before being officially inducted into the course. Our vow of 'noble silence' had begun and the course had officially started although the real work would begin tomorrow morning at 04:30.
The gong sounded at 04:00am the following morning and I made my way over to the meditation hall to sit in silence for 2 hours.
By the end of the first day I had done around 8 hours of meditation and 1 hour of Goenka's video discourse. Thoughts of despair had already began to creep into my mind. This retreat was too intense. Somehow it seemed easy enough on paper but in practice, every moment was agony.
I had some experience with meditation prior to arriving here although it was only ever a maximum 15 or 20 minutes per day. This was like making the jump from a 100 meter dash to a full marathon without really preparing for it.
My mind was fixated on how difficult the day had been and the fact that this was only 1/10th of what was to come. The passage of time had slowed right down here and it didn't help that during almost every moment I was desperately wanting time to pass by as quickly as possible.
For the first few days at every possible moment I would go to my room and try fall asleep. It was my only escape. Sleeping was the only thing I could do to numb the mental discomfort of having to sit in silence for hours every day.
'Im so bad at this'
'I'm not cut out for meditation'
'I'm not disciplined enough'
'I'm reckless and foolish for thinking I could even do this'
'This is the biggest mistake I've made in my life'
These were all thoughts which seemed to repeat over again as my mind tried to justify my aversion towards the entire programme. My romanticised ideals about living as a monk in seclusion were shattered.
That said, I persevered if only for avoiding the regret of not completing the course in its entirety. It would be like going for a hike up a mountain and then turning back halfway through because you felt a bit tired. This was no different and so I put my head down and grinded my way through.
On the night of day 3 it was revealed that on the following day, we would begin to learn the technique of vipassana meditation. The real work was to begin on day 4...
'Hang on... so if we start learning vipassana tomorrow, what have I been doing for 18-24 hours??' I thought to myself.
This news although sounding sadistic, also gave me hope that perhaps this was when things would start to become enjoyable; however they could also get worse...
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